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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28155384">By Myself</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Michael_hamiltrash/pseuds/Michael_hamiltrash'>Michael_hamiltrash</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Hamilton Soulmate AU Series [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hamilton - Miranda</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Aromantic, Asexual Character, Bisexual Male Character, Bisexual Thomas Jefferson, Coming Out, Gen, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, Soulmates, Straight Cis Ally Aaron Burr, aroace, i love them (platonically), james doesn't have a soulmate, their friendship is so pure, thomas and aaron accept him</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 17:35:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,748</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28155384</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Michael_hamiltrash/pseuds/Michael_hamiltrash</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>James finds out that he doesn’t have a soulmate and tries to come to terms with it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aaron Burr &amp; James Madison, Thomas Jefferson &amp; James Madison</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Hamilton Soulmate AU Series [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2058375</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>By Myself</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>TW: mentions of sex (it's in like one sentence, but I thought I'd say it anyway)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>James was never particularly interested in romance. Sure, he liked seeing his friends fall in love, and he enjoyed the occasional romantic comedy that aired late at night, but for the most part, romance wasn’t important to James. However, despite this, James still expected to have a soulmate whom he was attached to, not because it was a goal of his to find his soulmate, but because that was the cultural normality. You were supposed to want someone to spend the rest of your life with, or else your life wasn’t worth wild.</p>
<p>So, when James Madison turned eighteen and still couldn’t see a red string attached to his pinkie finger, he naturally grew confused. James thought that maybe, at first, you couldn’t see the string, but after consulting with a few friends, he came to the conclusion that he was supposed to be able to see his string by now.</p>
<p>As the days passed by, James only grew more and more concerned as to where his red string was. It wasn’t just him either; his family was eager to see who their son’s soulmate was, and when James told them that he couldn’t see his string, they began to worry. They didn’t want their son to be alone forever, because, according to them, soulmates and love are the only things that make life important. Without your soulmate, what was the point in being alive?</p>
<p>James wanted to agree with his family, really, he did, but he just couldn’t. He just didn’t see why finding his soulmate was such a big deal.</p>
<p>In all honesty, James almost <i>wanted</i> to stay single. He just didn’t see a point in romantically partnering up with another person, when he was perfectly fine on his own. Of course, he enjoyed the platonic company of his friends, like Thomas and Aaron, but, he didn’t care about having someone accompany him in a romantic way.</p>
<p>James had attempted to bring this up to his family at one point, because then, maybe they would see that James being single for the rest of his life wasn’t such a terrible thing. However, the reactions he got from both his parents and siblings were...unpleasant, to put it lightly.</p>
<p>
  <i>“What are you, some kind of freak? Who wants to be alone for their whole life?”</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>“That’s ridiculous! Everybody has a soulmate, and you do, too! You’ll find them one day!”</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>“Stop being stupid, James. This is just a phase, you’ll find your soulmate and be happy together when you get over this.”</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>“Who put these disgraceful ideas into your head?! I will not have any son of mine acting as if being alone for the rest of his life is okay!”</i>
</p>
<p>James was shocked, to say the least. He had thought that his family, at least, would stand by him and say that it was okay for him to be single forever. He thought that his family might even be supportive of his decision to be single.</p>
<p>But, no.</p>
<p>Apparently, the only way for James to be happy and have a fulfilling life was to find his soulmate and live happily ever after with them.</p>
<p>But, James didn’t want that.</p>
<p>He was okay with, and almost wanted to be, single for the rest of his life. He just couldn’t wrap his head around why people were so buthurt over something as dumb as dating and soulmates.</p>
<p>Eventually, though, after thinking over everything he ever knew and believed, after consulting with his family and some specialists, James grew to believe that <i>he</i> was the one in the wrong. He grew to believe that <i>he</i> was the one being buthurt over everything. And, he grew to believe that something must be wrong with <i>him</i>, not anyone else.</p>
<p>These beliefs that had now been drilled into James’ brain led him to do a lot of research and investigating. He looked online for hours about what could possibly be wrong with him and how he could fix it. He researched every possible mental illness, disorder, and condition that ever existed, but none of them seemed to fit how he felt.</p>
<p>After going through hours worth of articles, sites, and online forums, James suddenly came across an article about a term that he had never heard of.</p>
<p>
  <i>Aromantic</i>
</p>
<p>Something about the word drew James in, and soon enough, he was scrolling down the article with vigor pumping through his veins. He read about aromanticism for a while, and found that it fit him exactly. The definition of lacking romantic attraction and the desire for a romantic relationship matched up with how he felt perfectly.</p>
<p>While reading about aromanticism, James also stumbled across the term <i>asexual</i>, which very well explained his lack of interest in sex and having a sexual relationship.</p>
<p>Finally, James thought, he had a term to describe how he had been feeling all these years.</p>
<p>Finally, James stopped feeling broken and like he was missing something.</p>
<p>James was aromantic and asexual, and he couldn’t be happier.</p>
<p>________________</p>
<p>After James had figured out his aromanticism and asexuality, he remembered that he was going to have to come out to his family and friends about this. After all, if he didn’t, everybody would continue to think he was weird and broken.</p>
<p>However, the problem with this was that if James came out, he most likely wouldn’t be accepted by many people. There were some exceptions to this, such as Thomas, who was bisexual and completely accepting of everything LGBTQIA+, and Aaron, who was straight but a huge ally to the community. Despite this, most people, including his family, would not accept him for not feeling romantic or sexual attraction, even though he couldn’t control it.</p>
<p>James eventually came to the conclusion that, if he was going to come out to anyone, it should be Thomas and Aaron. They had always been there for him and James trusted them the most. Also, James was pretty sure that they would accept him, considering that Thomas also wasn’t straight and Aaron was a huge ally.</p>
<p>However, just in case Thomas and/or Aaron ended up being unaccepting of James, the small Virginian made sure to pack his bags and arrange for a hotel to stay in, since he and Thomas were roommates.</p>
<p>So, James texted both Thomas and Aaron one day, asking them to come to the coffee shop on the college campus, claiming that there was something important that they needed to talk about. James arrived first and anxiously awaited his friends’ arrival. He was pretty sure that he was right about Thomas and Aaron being accepting of him, but he still had his suspicions.</p>
<p>Soon enough, Aaron showed up and Thomas came right after, the two men sitting down in front of James with their drinks. They then looked at James expectedly, as if asking him to talk. James cleared his throat nervously and began to speak.</p>
<p>“I..I’m sure you’re both wondering why I called you down here today.” James started, his hands sweating buckets. “And the truth is that, I have something really important to tell you.”</p>
<p>Thomas raised a brow and Aaron looked to the side in thought. The bald male looked as if he was trying to imagine what James could possibly have to say, and if James was being honest, that’s probably what Aaron was doing.</p>
<p>Eventually, James summoned all of his courage, inhaled a sharp breath, and said those few words that he had been dying to say for weeks.</p>
<p>“I’m aromantic and asexual.”</p>
<p>James immediately closed his eyes, as he waited for his friends’ reaction to his coming out. He waited for the <i>‘I fully accept and support you’</i>, and the <i>‘That’s okay, you’re no different than before’</i>. But, he also waited for the <i>‘you’re just going through a phase’</i> and the <i>‘everyone has a soulmate, you’ll find yours soon’</i>.</p>
<p>However, instead what he felt were two pairs of arms wrapping around his smaller form and the familiar sound of Thomas and Aaron’s breathing. James opened his eyes to find both Thomas Jefferson and Aaron Burr embracing him as if he was going to disappear. In all honesty, James didn’t know what this meant or what he should do in response, so he just hugged back and prayed for the best.</p>
<p>After a while of hugging, Thomas and Aaron pulled away and smiled at James, as Thomas said something that James never expected.</p>
<p>“James, honestly, we knew this was going to happen ever since we met you.”</p>
<p>“Wait...what?” The smaller man inquired, confused out of his mind. How could they have known that he was going to come out as aromantic asexual ever since they’d met him? Had he really been that easy to read?</p>
<p>“I mean, it was fairly obvious.” Aaron continued, crossing his arms. “You would always talk about not understanding how people could be so obsessed with finding their soulmate, and how you didn’t mind staying single for the rest of your life. So, it wasn’t too hard to predict that you were aromantic and asexual.”</p>
<p>“And, we accept you, and we’re totally supportive of you.” Thomas said. “After all, I’m already not straight and Aaron is an ally, so why wouldn’t we fully support you?”</p>
<p>James just stared back at his friends, his eyes widened and his jaw hitting the floor. How in the world had his friends known that he was aromantic asexual before he even heard of the terms? Sure, Aaron had explained it, but still, how?</p>
<p>Then, the reality of the situation kicked in.</p>
<p>They accepted him. Aaron and Thomas accepted James. Thomas and Aaron accepted and supported James for being aromantic and asexual.</p>
<p>Then, the waterworks kicked in.</p>
<p>In general, James wasn’t a crybaby, but he did have a bit of a reputation for crying over many things. Being accepted by people he cared about even though his mind had been reeling with doubt for the last few weeks was definitely on the list of things that would make James cry.</p>
<p>Thomas and Aaron immediately rushed to James’ aid, asking him whether he was okay and if he was upset over something, but James reassured them with a wave of his hand.</p>
<p>“I’m fine.” The smaller Virginian smiled, tears running down his cheeks. “I’m just really happy that you guys accept me!”</p>
<p>At those words, Thomas and Aaron smiled with their friend and gladly returned to embracing him, and in that moment, James knew he was home.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I honestly love writing James as aroace, because as much as I also love Jeffmads, I love the idea of James being happy on his own. Also, I like to self project, but I digress!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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